20 years old, 0 pregnancies

I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse at home, sexual harassment at school and regular raping during two of my teenage years. I have gone through anorexia and stress eating. I’ve always hated my stomach and my ginormous hips. I felt like I was fat and dirty even though I’ve never been over weight (or even close to it). I still wish sometimes that I was anorexic again for the control. I’ve become a health nut and I do juice fasts, raw vegan diets and exercise in place of anorexia.

This is my stomach after gaining 6 pounds from working a sedentary job (and becoming sedentary all the time as a result). I’ve lost most of the muscle that I worked hard to gain and gained a lot of fat that I worked hard to lose. I was unhappy with myself (and I still am a little) until I found your site. And I’m starting to grasp the idea that I might be able to like my body for what it is no matter what part of life I am in and to accept others bodies for what they are. That has been a struggle for me for most of my life even though I know that what is depicted in media isn’t normal.

12 Comments

Filed under 0 babies, 0 pregnancies, Born in the 1990's, Warrior

12 responses to “20 years old, 0 pregnancies

  1. jessica

    Your have got an amazing figure! I’d kill to have a stomach that looked like that. You look great girl 🙂

  2. Kevin

    You have been through a lot and I pray that God grants you a happy, healthy and long life. You look amazing and don’t ever let anyone tell you different. You are special because there is only one YOU in the world.

  3. s.b.

    Hi I was scrolling this website for the first time and stopped at your picture and thought, “wow, this is the most beautiful picture I’ve seen.” And then, “Oh, she’s 20, so young” And then I read your description, too. Even if this is a 6lb gain, you look amazing, and healthy. Even if you didn’t/sometimes don’t feel that way, sometimes our perceptions about ourselves are really skewed. I can relate to that; I myself am a recovering bulimic-anorexic, I was also raped/physically abused; and I’m 21, a college student, and an aspiring athlete. The progress I’ve been able to make in my sport has been a huge motivation for me. There were/are times when I’ve felt overwhelmed but continue to work through it. Use your determination to move forward and get better; stay positive as much as possible and work to let go of the negative, embrace good friends, and have good support. Wishing all good things for you x

  4. AJ

    Hi,
    I was sexually abused as a child and raped/or nearly raped in college (i don’t remember what happened, there’s a blank in my memory of that night and event)… I struggled with an eating disorder since highschool and then at the age of 20 developed anorexia. Reading your description is helpful because I hadn’t read or heard of anyone aside from myself that felt the way you described in your caption.

  5. survivorj

    First off you are a beautiful woman and perfect just the way you are, You can’t change what happened to you, but you can start by accepting that it wasn’t ever anything thing you did and you couldn’t control what happened to you sweetie. I know, I’ve been there. Stay strong, take control of your life by being healthy. That makes us the winners in this world and that takes the power away from the people that hurt us. We can stand up and say ” I am in control and you can’t hurt me now.” I love you my sister and you have taken the first step by taking this picture…I am proud of you.. I hear you roar like a lioness.

  6. sarah

    i WISH I had a stomach like yours. You’re my goal stomach.

  7. bhorvath24

    I know that feel girl 😦 I worked hard to lose 45lbs (not exactly in a healthy way) and then went through a horrific breakup that caused me to put back on 20lbs. I’m in the process of trying to get back to my goal weight (sometimes healthily and sometimes not so much unfortunately) and its definitely not fun. But in my opinion you look fantastic. I would be stoked to have your tummy. Stay positive girl! Rooting for you!

  8. Dawn

    I looked at this picture and I thought, “what a pretty little waist!” Very pretty…try to see yourself as others do! You are beautiful!

  9. Claire

    You have an amazing Disney princess waist. Love it. My waist and hips are almost the same measurement. Love your body.

  10. M

    Hopefully you learned to filter out who you allow in your life.

  11. Karen

    I literally cried when I read this. I LOVE what you wrote: “I’m starting to grasp the idea that I might be able to like my body for what it is no matter what part of life I am in and to accept others bodies for what they are. That has been a struggle for me for most of my life even though I know that what is depicted in media isn’t normal.” (I cried for two reasons. One, because I too feel this way and two, because you probably have the closest thing to a “perfect” stomach and still have self – loathing…. which is also the case for me). Thank you for sharing so honestly. It’s so hard to take what we know in theory (the media portrayal of women’s body is FAKE) and apply it to our own lives.

  12. Caroline

    You look gorgeous! Enjoy your youth, and your lovely body! don’t punish yourself, for being female.

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